"No"

i finally mustered up enough courage to ask her the question and my worst fears came true --- she turned me down. said that i had said earlier that i didn't want anyone else there (did i really say that --- i don't remember; could it possibly be taken out of context?).

i said that she was there for my sister and brother, couldn't she be there for me too? who was i kidding, what was i hoping for??? the answer that i got was one that i'd feared all along --- no.

how i miss dad... this achievement of mine is for dad, for never giving up on me, for always believing that i could do it even at times when i didn't...

i truly want to share this moment with my parents, but if she doesn't want to be part of it, i can't make her.

i worked very hard for this milestone in my life. i just wish my one remaining parent could be there to share in the joy but if that is not possible, i will accept that it is my fate.

i know that dad will there for me. i know he will be proud of me and i suppose, that is all that i need.

the passing of the storyteller

it was only yesterday that my mother asked to me, "did you hear that yasmin ahmad collapsed from a stroke yesterday?". she was operated on the same day. sadly, i heard on the radio today as i was driving that yasmin ahmad passed away last night. Al-Fatihah.

her passing away is definitely a great loss. the very first malay movie that i watched and definitely fell in love with was none other than yasmin's sepet. her movies are full of messages... perhaps messages that malaysia as a whole is not yet ready for but still meaningful messages. she dares to take a step and potray the malaysian life diferently from other local movie makers.

i will definitely miss her movies and her advertisements. farewell yasmin.

the overlooked middle child

i went over to my mom's this afternoon. like always, she shifts her attention and gives her full attention to my brother the minute he woke up (never mind that it was 2 pm when he crawled out of bed and that i was in the midst of a sentence when she tunes out from me and focuses on him).

like always, even after all these years, she never fails to make me feel like the overlooked middle child that i have always been and will always be... :(

my current read

i started reading this book yesterday.

challenge: 25 new authors

here's something that i happened to stumble upon while surfing the net --- a book reading challenge. the challenge that i'm setting myself is to read 25 authors whose work i have never read before before the end of the year.

so far, i have already read the following books:

1. Piece of Cake by Swati Kaushal
2. Monsoon Summer by Mitali Perkins
3. Weekend in Paris by Robyn Sisman
4. The Bus Stopped by Tabish Khair
5. Skin Deep by Catherine Barry
6. Turtle Nest by Chandani Lokuge
7. Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now by Gordon Livingston, MD
8. Undead and Unemployed by Mary Janice Davidson
9. Dress Rehearsal by Jennifer O'Connell
10. By the Time You Read This by Lola Jaye
11. Jemima. J by Jane Green
12. Roommates by Whitney Lyles
13. In Full Bloom by Caroline Hwang
14. Big City Eyes by Delia Ephron
15. 10 Things To Do Before You're 16 by Caroline Plaisted

i plan to update this list as i go along --- wish me luck!!! :)

klutz marks

hey, i've reached the 100th blog post mark!!! how about that!

i came home from work today and slipped into my shorts before going down to the night market and noticed that i had blue black marks on both of my thighs --- yup, klutzy me been walking into tables again :(

my current read

yup, i've moved on to my next book.

my current read

this is what i'm reading --- another one of my book crossing finds :)

"i miss yaaaaa"

a student i taught a year ago emailed me today. she said that she missed me and was wondering if i'd be teaching her next semester. she told me that she heard that i was on holiday (i took a few months off to write my dissertation).

it is nice to know that i am loved :)

sigh... i do miss those kids but i had to make a professional move.

farewell mj (august 29, 1958 - june 25, 2009)

i'm up watching the live telecast of michael jackson's memorial to celebrate his life.

it's so sad to think that he has left us so abruptly.

i remember my very first cassette purchase --- i was 16 and the song was beat it that won many a grammy. i grew up seeing pictures of him and the jackson 5 in my teenage sisters' pop magazines. who would think that his life would end so soon?

i love his song Ben when he sang it as a child. it was only in his death that i learned that he converted to islam late last year in los angeles.

hugely misunderstood, greatly loved...there will be no other to replace you.

al-fatihah. may you rest in peace michael.

a sign of failure?

question --- why is a failed marriage often times perceived as a sign of failure in the eyes of many women??? why do women frown upon other women whose marriages have failed? why can't women be supportive of one another?

i only heard yesterday that an ex-colleague of mine is divorced. to date, she has not mentioned anything about it to anyone except to a very close friend of hers. while i do realize that it is a personal affair of hers, i just wish that she had opened up to more of her female colleagues.

it is not fair that she has to go through this alone. i know that the reason behind not telling many people is because she cannot bear the thought of the other women looking at her as if she has failed at her role as a wife.

most are quick to blame the wife... men can be equally responsible for a marriage failing too... sigh... i feel for her...

The Orange Girl by Josten Gaarder

this is my current read and in case you're wondering, no, it is not a bookcrossing find --- i purchased this :)

i've been walking around with this book in my handbag for the past two days (something i normally do so that i'd have something to read should i need to wait) and it seemed that i kept triggering off the alarm system while going into shops (i triggered the alarm in watsons, guardian and popular bookstore).

it wasn't until i triggered the alarm yet again going into popular bookstore today that it occured to me that i should study the contents of my bag. i thought that it was one of the stuff that i had bought some days earlier which i had conveniently chucked into my handbag (as an alternative to accepting plastic bags).

i opened my handbag and studied the contents only to realize that this book of mine still had an alarm tag in it and that was what that was triggering off the alarm systems in many stores... i was kinda nervous, i didn't want them to think that i was shoplifting (how do you explain having a book in your handbag that still has the alarm tag on it while you're going out of a bookstore??? would they believe you if you told them the truth --- that you normally carry a book in your handbag and because you're meticulous about the condition of your books, they look new and unread and that it so happens that this book has an alarm tag that has not been deactivated???).

anyway, i removed the alarm tag and left the store without any alarms going off --- thank God!!!