the holiday

It was a holiday that she had been looking forward to. She counted weeks and days to it. It was to be a much needed two week break in a land she had never set foot on before. It turned out to be the longest week of her life. Her holiday became a nightmare. Her holiday was cut short and she returned a week later with a shattered heart. He didn’t love her. He told her to go away. He told her that he never planned to marry her. He left her alone for most days and nights. She came home empty, broken, . She knew that she should have known better. A man with children was most likely to not prioritize her. They were his priority. She was secondary. She felt betrayed. She longed to be with him but not in this way. She wanted him to love her, to be with her. Their plan for a holiday in Europe was ruined. His daughter did not like her. He accused her of attacking his daughter when she meant well. She avoided going to visit the daughter because she was afraid of the inevitable and it happened. The daughter disliked her. The mother of his daughter disliked her. He disliked her because of that too. He blamed her for many things that happened in his life, including his daughter’s illness that she knew not until she went there. Suddenly, she found herself alone, unloved, unwanted. She wondered if she would ever be lucky in love. She wondered if love was an elusive thing for her, something for the others around her but never for herself. She wondered if there would be anyone out there for her, to love her for all her flaws and shortcomings. She looked within herself and found herself to be beautiful. Hers is a beauty found in few. Would there be anyone at all for her?

She spent the rest of her holidays at home, asleep most of the time. She found comfort in sleep. It offered her an escape from the dark and dreary days. She didn’t have anyone. Her hurt and pain was hers and hers alone. Nothing that she did and no one whom she spoke to seemed to be able to heal the pain that she was feeling. She would soon have no home to go home to either. He is taking back the home as well. Her whole word is shattered. What will become of her? Is there possibly a silver lining in the cloud for her? She has no choice but to be brave and face the days to come. She is unable to fall asleep on most nights. She stays awake till the wee hours in the morning and has a headache in the afternoon due to staying up too late into the night. She faces the world with a smile in her face everyday but little do they realize just how much she is hurting inside.

Her weekends are empty now. She used to spend Sunday afternoons talking to him for hours. Now, she speaks to no one. Her world has become silent. She does many things alone. Is this a curse, she wonders…

August 17, 2007