about making amends

is this just nostalgia that i'm feeling?  i've been thinking about j since that dream that i had.

that got me around to thinking that it's high time i made amends with the past.  time to let bygones be bygones.

thing is, i keep asking myself if it is really amends that i want to make or am i looking for more?  and if so, why?

j broke my heart many, many years ago.  thanks to j, i lost faith in all men of my race.  i purposely went out with men who weren't of the same race with me as i figured that life must have been trying to tell me something if i just couldn't get it right with men of my race.

fact was, i was deeply hurt.  i waited for forever but it never happened.

there were simply way too many things in our way --- neither his family nor his friends approved of me.  to make things worse, i discovered that j was seeing prostitutes behind my back.

after discovering about j and the prostitutes, i stayed with him for another year thinking that i could find it in myself to forgive him but what i discovered was that i couldn't forgive him and whenever there was an argument, they would always crop up.  i failed to forget them for i am only human.

i loved him with all my heart, i really did, but i guess, it was never meant to be.

if anyone had told the me then that we would never ever be together, i would have been devastated but looking back, i understand why we didn't happen --- because i deserve better.  still, i wish that he knew that.

it was i who walked away because his non-action was in itself a decision.

strangely enough, i hear you ask why i'd want to make amends after all that has happened.  why not just let sleeping dogs lie?

well, life is too short to hold onto regrets.  it is, after all, a new year... perhaps time to let go of past pains and to instead embrace good memories?

is this the law of attraction?

when i was a child, i used to tell my family that i would live next to a shopping mall.  not only that, i would be in walking distance to mc d's and kfc and i that i wouldn't need to cook.

guess what, fast forward a few years later (okay, okay, many years later), guess who's living within walking distance to mc d's and kfc and guess what opened up recently down the road from where i live now --- yup, you guessed that one right --- a shopping mall!!!

i couldn't help but think of what i used to tell my family when i saw that shopping mall open recently.

wishes do come true to those who wait... 

dream

i had the strangest dream --- someone i was with for quite sometime before said to me in the dream that he loves me still... is it all just a dream?

i haven't thought of him for the longest time...

memories

iranian invasion

i was in debenhams today, minding my own business, trying on shoes when this elderly iranian woman  materialized with what appeared like her sister and daughter in tow.

They were loud, and oblivious to the fact that i was there.  they took their own sweet time being in my way while i looked on.

i gave up in the end and moved to another section.  i later saw them making a mess on the shop floor taking down all the shoes possible (and not putting them back on the hangers).

the daughter kept asking the sales assistant for "other sizes" not getting it that it was a sale and everything was already out on the racks and if it wasn't there, it's NOT AVAILABLE!!!

i find them difficult to co-exist with as i find them rude, ugly (not in how they look but how they act), demanding, in your face.... and yes, i find their speech annoying as well!

determined

i have to learn it... Insya Allah.

secrets of a shoe addict by beth harbison

this book presents an interesting way of getting out of debt --- phone sex!!! this is another one of my big bad wolf warehouse sale purchases. 

passport renewal

i went to renew my passport today.  it was ready within an hour!!!  i was amazed!!!

the last time i renewed my passport, 5 years ago, it was ready in a day and i was thankful for that.  who would have thought that 5 years later, i could get my passport renewed in an hour!  yes, impressed, i am!

unlike what people have been telling me, there is no need for your passport pic to show your ears (how geeky can that get!!!) and yes, you can smile in the pic (you want to look pleasant in the picture, don't you?).

thumbs up to the malaysian immigration department!!!  :)

a fantastic baby sitter

isn't this dog so adorable?

what's your vice?

mine's shoes.  i don't know why but i keep buying them even though i already have MANY pairs at home... but this pair's a different colour and this pair's too pretty to pass up and this pair's just soooo sexy and this pair's really cute and would look nice with my skinny jeans and this pair's great for work... you get the idea.  before i know it, i have bought like 10 pairs in a week!!!

do you think there's such a thing as a "shoe buying gene"???

passport mug shot

it's dat time again... my passport is due for a renewal.

i've been putting it off.  let's face it, who looks forward to take passport shots???  certainly not i!!!  the experience is traumatising.

just think of it, you're gonna be stuck with this mug shot of you for the next 5 years when you'll once again have to go thru with the dread of having to take another snap shot of yourself for your next passport.... just think of all the immigration officers in all the countries that you will travel to who will be looking (and perhaps sniggering) at your passport pic.

as if trying to get a nice pic of yourself isn't bad enough, you've got to also make sure that your ears show in the picture.  now, how dorky can that be???  ears sticking out and trying to look nice (forget drop dead gorgeous!) at the same time... how does one achieve that???

the pic's gotta look right... it's gotta look at least pleasantly presentable... is that even possible???

call of the mall: why we buy by paco underhill

i  just finished reading this book.  i bought this book in a book sale a few years ago.  don't know why i never got around to reading it until now.  okay, it appeared to be a very "factual" (= boring) sort of book.  that was until i picked it up and started reading it.

it's an eye opener with regards to how malls and retailers get you to shop.  it also explains why people go to malls.  not everything is new information for me though as i spent quite a number of years as a store designer so i am aware of some of the stuff that this book presents.  still, i enjoyed reading this book.  even though it presents facts based on years of research, it's written in an entertaining manner which makes it very easy to read.  i am thinking of look out for the other two books by paco underhill why we buy and what women want.  wonder if i might find those in bookxcess...

my splurge

i was at 1-utama today and as i was walking into the mall, i saw the sale sign in marks and sparks.  went in thinking that i was not going to find anything --- boy, was i wrong!

i ended up buying two bras, two tank tops (it was a set, RM 39, normal RM 59), a pair of per una pants (really nice for RM 69, normal RM 299!!!). one of the bras that i purchased was in nude, a colour that i almost never buy but it was on sale (dirt cheap at RM 29, normal RM 89,  in  fact both bras were going for the same price. the other bra is in blue and really pretty and it normally retails for RM 109) and it fit really well (push up), so i guess, i made a colour compromise.

Himglish & Femalese by Jean Hannah Edelstein

i forgot to blog about these two books which i finished reading BEFORE i started on the Secret Shopper's Revenge.

Beyond Words by John Humphrys (can't seem to find the book cover online --- got to take a pic of it myself when i get the chance) gives an interesting take on how we currently use language and what they REALLY mean. i purchased this book in big bad wolf warehouse sale last year (yes, it has been sitting in a pile of yet to be read books in the corner of my living room!!!).

i purchased this book (from the latest big bad wolf warehouse sale, where else???) thinking that it is a book about how men and women use language. it turned out to be a about relationship. 

The Secret Shopper's Revenge by Kate Harrison

just finished reading this book.  i bought this book in the most recent big bad wolf warehouse sale.

i simply love the book cover --- it's got pink glitter on the cover!!!

you fancy me :)

you saw me in centrepoint.

i was walking towards the lift, smiling to myself (hey, it was the end of my day and i was sure glad to be on my way home!). you were with a colleague and you were waiting to be beeped into the office near the elevators.  you kept looking at me as you waited for the door to be opened.  you just couldn't keep your eyes off me.

i noticed you looking at me but i was too shy to look back at you.  i did manage to steal a few peeks at you when i thought you weren't looking but you were looking back at me whenever i stole a quick peek at you.

i went downstairs to put my extra heavy bag into the car and then went back upstairs to use the ladies room as it is the cleanest in the building.

as i left the ladies room on my way to the lift again, i passed by the office that you went into and you were by the door and looking out!!!  you saw me pass by and quickly came out of the office to look at me as i once again waited for the lift.  sadly though, my lift arrived too soon and i stepped into it and like cinderella, i was lost to you... sob, sob...

why did you come out of the office to look at me again and yet not say anything to me???  did you want to say something but felt unsure of how you would be received?  you must have been interested because otherwise you wouldn't have been so bold as to have kept looking at me in a manner that you wanted me to know that you were looking at me.

you fancy me and from the little peeks that i stole of you, you were not so bad looking yourself.  thanks for making me feel attractive and for making my day!!!  :)

how we see

interesting stuff... the colours that we see may not be what they really are.  proof that what our brains interpret may not be what is real.

Changing Education Paradigms

in my quest to learn something new each day... something to think about.

Happy Birthday Ayah

it's your birthday and i just wanted to wish you happy birthday and tell you just how much i love you. i miss you so much...

you are always in my thoughts.

i wonder if you can hear me when i talk to you but i would like to believe that you do.  i think that you are close by and are always watching over me.