It has been four whole days since we had that discussion about life in class but I can't seem to forget it. There is a lot of truth in what my lecturer said. Don't know how we got around to it but the Genre Studies class discussion suddenly diverted, went off course and before we knew it, we were all involved in a discussion about women pursuing higher education and their partners' perceptions. He said that in the beginning, the partners would be supportive when they think that it is not really possible for the wife to complete the whole course of education but when they see that it is becoming a possiblility, they get hard on their wives. That's when the cooking doesn't taste so good, the house is in a mess and extra marital affairs happen. I thought about it for a moment and see the truth in what he says (wisdom speaks as he has been a lecturer and supervisor for a long time).
My own experience seems to have been similar. He was in the beginning supportive, but as my pursuing of my masters degree got longer, and as he saw that it is a possibility that I might graduate, he began saying things like, "What's in it for me?". I had no answer for that question of his. It is true, it is all for me, for my own self satisfaction. It is about me alleviating myself professionally.
In the beginning, it was about us getting somewhere as a couple. That I would use this time apart to pursue what I've always dreamed of... a masters degree. In the meantime, he would be working on his end on trying to build a life for us so that we could eventually be together. But as things turned out, the journey required serious commitment on both sides. I was keeping to my end of the deal. I went to work in the day and school at night. On nights that I didn't have school, I would be busy working on school assignments.
He started getting tired of everything even though he wasn't in the same place with me. He started finding fault with me over the smallest of things. He would ring me close to midnight on Friday nite when I was dead tired not only over work but over school assignments as well. I wouldn't be too chatty and that would be an issue too. Other issues started cropping up, what used to be great years ago now wasn't good enough. In short, he was looking for fault because he wanted out --- that was what happened in the end... he called it quits and left me.
My lecturer had some real world advise for us. He said to marry someone who is a PhD holder as someone who already has his PhD would not have issues about you pursuing higher education and would probably be more sympathetic towards your journey as he has undergone a similar experience. Now, that is something to think about...
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