about making amends

is this just nostalgia that i'm feeling?  i've been thinking about j since that dream that i had.

that got me around to thinking that it's high time i made amends with the past.  time to let bygones be bygones.

thing is, i keep asking myself if it is really amends that i want to make or am i looking for more?  and if so, why?

j broke my heart many, many years ago.  thanks to j, i lost faith in all men of my race.  i purposely went out with men who weren't of the same race with me as i figured that life must have been trying to tell me something if i just couldn't get it right with men of my race.

fact was, i was deeply hurt.  i waited for forever but it never happened.

there were simply way too many things in our way --- neither his family nor his friends approved of me.  to make things worse, i discovered that j was seeing prostitutes behind my back.

after discovering about j and the prostitutes, i stayed with him for another year thinking that i could find it in myself to forgive him but what i discovered was that i couldn't forgive him and whenever there was an argument, they would always crop up.  i failed to forget them for i am only human.

i loved him with all my heart, i really did, but i guess, it was never meant to be.

if anyone had told the me then that we would never ever be together, i would have been devastated but looking back, i understand why we didn't happen --- because i deserve better.  still, i wish that he knew that.

it was i who walked away because his non-action was in itself a decision.

strangely enough, i hear you ask why i'd want to make amends after all that has happened.  why not just let sleeping dogs lie?

well, life is too short to hold onto regrets.  it is, after all, a new year... perhaps time to let go of past pains and to instead embrace good memories?

is this the law of attraction?

when i was a child, i used to tell my family that i would live next to a shopping mall.  not only that, i would be in walking distance to mc d's and kfc and i that i wouldn't need to cook.

guess what, fast forward a few years later (okay, okay, many years later), guess who's living within walking distance to mc d's and kfc and guess what opened up recently down the road from where i live now --- yup, you guessed that one right --- a shopping mall!!!

i couldn't help but think of what i used to tell my family when i saw that shopping mall open recently.

wishes do come true to those who wait... 

dream

i had the strangest dream --- someone i was with for quite sometime before said to me in the dream that he loves me still... is it all just a dream?

i haven't thought of him for the longest time...

memories

iranian invasion

i was in debenhams today, minding my own business, trying on shoes when this elderly iranian woman  materialized with what appeared like her sister and daughter in tow.

They were loud, and oblivious to the fact that i was there.  they took their own sweet time being in my way while i looked on.

i gave up in the end and moved to another section.  i later saw them making a mess on the shop floor taking down all the shoes possible (and not putting them back on the hangers).

the daughter kept asking the sales assistant for "other sizes" not getting it that it was a sale and everything was already out on the racks and if it wasn't there, it's NOT AVAILABLE!!!

i find them difficult to co-exist with as i find them rude, ugly (not in how they look but how they act), demanding, in your face.... and yes, i find their speech annoying as well!

determined

i have to learn it... Insya Allah.

secrets of a shoe addict by beth harbison

this book presents an interesting way of getting out of debt --- phone sex!!! this is another one of my big bad wolf warehouse sale purchases. 

passport renewal

i went to renew my passport today.  it was ready within an hour!!!  i was amazed!!!

the last time i renewed my passport, 5 years ago, it was ready in a day and i was thankful for that.  who would have thought that 5 years later, i could get my passport renewed in an hour!  yes, impressed, i am!

unlike what people have been telling me, there is no need for your passport pic to show your ears (how geeky can that get!!!) and yes, you can smile in the pic (you want to look pleasant in the picture, don't you?).

thumbs up to the malaysian immigration department!!!  :)

a fantastic baby sitter

isn't this dog so adorable?